"You don't have it as bad as you think you do"

"You don't have it as bad as you think you do."

That is what my sister-in-law told me the other when I called her in distress over the situation you guys have seen me blog about lately. She told me about a woman who lives in total misery and it seems like she cannot get out of it even if she tried. On Tuesday word broke out that there was a devastating earthquake in Port-au-Prince, Haiti during the late afternoon. When I heard this I imagined of how much people would be affected because it was rush hour and many people would be still be at work, on the way home, home, or in school. My family turned on CNN and we just kept hearing the reports of how it was a powerful earthquake, and how Port-au-Prince, which is the capital of Haiti was gone. Then we saw the pictures and it was mind blowing. Even the president of Haiti is homeless. I am no way Haitian, I am of Guyanese and Puerto Rican descent and I was born in NY, but I feel a close connection because my childhood friends are Haitian and my school has a strong Haitian community. I knew that I have known a lot of people who are of Haitian decent or are Haitian, but didn't realize how much I actually knew until this tragedy. I found myself asking so much people if they heard from family and if everyone is alright. On facebook I see the anguish in people's statuses as they haven't heard from their families as yet. A girl I went to high school, she is a high school senior now, should be enjoying her senior year, but she is too busy crying because her family hasn't heard anything from the family back in Haiti. As I am home enjoying this last few days before I start back classes I think twice about complaining about what I do not have in my life. I have so much and I must not dare complain. In Port-au-Prince so many people have lost their families, their homes, their way of life. So many Americans have lost loved ones who still lived their, or they loved ones just went to volunteer, because as we all know Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere. I look at the little babies in the orphanages in Haiti and I feel like adopting one, but of course I am broke college student with no job. This tragedy has made me think that a lot of the things I get anxious about and cause myself stress I clearly shouldn't. I shouldn't care what other people do sometimes. I shouldn't spend my life stressing over unnecessary things because who knows I am here today and gone tomorrow. Going back to the woman who I mentioned in the beginning of the blog. The woman reminded me of myself. She always wanted someone to love. She found him and seemed to cling onto him although he was no good for her. He mistreated her, and still does up to this day, and its like she is blind to even see it. I believe now she realizes, but now she is so trapped that she can't even begin to dig herself out. When things go wrong and you begin to panic and cry just remember that one phrase. You then begin to realize that you don't have it as bad as others and you should be grateful for what you have.

You are the man you said you aren't

I am sure ladies you have heard a man tell you "I am not like other men out there," or "I am different from other guys." You believe them at first and they prove themselves to their words. All of a sudden those words are lies. Eventually he becomes like ever other guy out there. It is rare to find a good man nowadays. Most of the men out there are assholes, jerks, and users. I have herd this a few times and I am only 20 years old. The last guy I was talking to told me that he was different from other guys out there. At first he was. He took me home and everything via public transport, but that glam did not last very long. He soon became like every other man out there. He isn't the man he said he wasn't. He now ignores my calls, my text messages, and my emails. I try to contact him and he doesn't answer me. How can you tell me you aren't that type of man when clearly you are. You picked your ex-girlfriend over me. Every time I say it you get upset. Is it because you realize you made a mistake? Is it because you realize you are going to enter a life of misery? You are going to be forced into marriage and children at an earlier age just because you wanted to finish of things with her. To be honest she doesn't deserve you. She cheated on YOU. She doesn't get along with your family. Yes you guys went through a lot, but you don't need that stress. Decisions were made and that is okay. It just shows you don't deserve ME. You are the very man you said you were not. Stupid inconsiderate jerk. I would like to be friends with you, but do me a favor..... grow up and face your problems. Thank You. All will be forgiven, but how can I forgive if you and I cannot even talk because you don't even answer me? I just don't understand people. I really don't.

What Really Grinds My Gears

This is why I am done with men until the day I day. I am done, done, done, done. I am pissed to the point my teeth are clenched that they hurt. How are you going to sit there and joke about how I have you emotionally and sexually when YOU picked YOUR ex over ME? Like really? You were all talking about how I made you happy and how beautiful and intelligent but yet you pick the bitch that cheated on you, the one who the family dislikes, and caused you so much issues? You made a joke and you clearly think I am going to be okay with it? Like wtf? As much you seem as the guy in my dreams there are so many wishes that want you back in my dreams and never escape them again. You have caused me such an emotional roller-coaster these past few weeks of the new year and I am clearly tired of you and you sweet bullshit ways. Like what the fuck? Why would you pick her over me? What is it? I am not as pretty as her, I am not as thick as her, I don't have a big ass or tits? I wanted to actually have a valentine this year because I haven't had one since I was about 16, but OH NO that dream is shot to fuckin hell because of you. I picked your ass over my bestie, and because I did I probably do not have a bestie anymore. Now he is mad at me because I showed him something his ex showed him. So that day I guess I will be doing school work. I hate you so much right and I hope you go to hell at least my hell so you know how I struggle with my damn life every damn day since 2009 rolled around. I am so sick of everything. Just everything. I regret picking you now cause you just made my life even more than a living hell than what it is already. So I just want to say THANK A FUCKING A LOT. I knew I shouldn't have had you entertain my thoughts, and that is what really grinds my gears.

"You're good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you"

You are to good to be true as I laid in your arms watching the "Friday" series in your room. I had deemed 2010 to be my year. I finally thought I would get my break, and for once I can get what I want. I had planned previously I wasn't going to open my heart back up to the possibility of love or even getting to know a guy. At first I was nervous and every emotion came to me. I missed my ex, I wanted to try things with my bestie, I was scared, this was way to good to be true. I have realized that the emotions for my ex will probably be there for the rest of my life. I don't think I would ever get over my ex, but I can push him aside and just live my life. The next thing was to tackle my best friend issue. I spoke to him, and he told to go ahead to grab it because this was a good catch and you can't let it go. Did all of that, but of course story of my life he ended telling me about the ex girlfriend and ended up going back to her. I do not understand at all you tell I am perfect, you tell the family about me, you say I make you happy, you say I know you will be there, she cheated on you so she messed up not you, and all these things but then go back to her anyways? Like I understand you guys have been through a lot of stuff so you are more inclined to fix it, but I am sorry you cannot fix what is broken sometimes. It just doesn't work the same. You are definitely way to be good to be true for me at least because the guys I usually get are the assholes. Honestly you are starting to fit that category now too.

Sob Story

2010 for me already seems like a continuation from last year. One big sob party. Its like nowadays I find something that bothers me and I end up sobbing for at least a hour. Yesterday I was sobbing for hours upon end because a guy, yes a guy, who I thought was perfect told me there is someone else. No we weren't dating and no I wasn't looking for a guy to have a relationship with but he just fell into my lap. He seemed so promising and perfect. Perfect for me anyways. After meeting up with my guy bestie and spent an hour talking about what I should do I made up my mind and took his advice to take a chance on him because he just seemed to good to let go. Well my thoughts were right... it was too good to be true. He tells me that his ex was still in the picture and she has been asking him to try again so now he is stuck in between us. I held up for an hour and I just lost it. Everything I could have cried about I cried about. I cried about that situation, my ex, my guy bestie, you named it I mentioned it while I was sobbing. Now today I was supposed to meet with him after hanging with my hs crew and before I met up with my friends from school and he texts me saying he is sorry, but he has to see his ex but don't be disappointed. I am not supposed to be mad? Like what the hell you blew me off for someone who obviously doesn't deserve you because SHE messed up and not you. Whatever you are just as stupid as all the other guys out there. Go ahead and get back with her. You won't be happy and you will be dragged into having a family before you actually want one. Men are so stupid. I hope last night was the end of my sobbing cause I am quite tired of it and my eyes are too.

Happy New Years to me! Its 2010!!

So yes we are in 2010. Who could have believed that we would have made it this far. Well only two years left until the world is supposed to end.... yeah right. Well I started off my new years crying cause I lost and on the other side of Brooklyn. I ended up on the wrong Jefferson. Who knew that Brooklyn had TWO Jeffersons! Well eventually I made it to the right Jefferson and I had myself three drinks. I was drunk right away... yes I am lightweight I know this. I had my phone though. 2010 seems like a good year and I am praying it is!

New Years Resolutions: Group Blog

Well 2009 is coming to an end, and I am very happy for that. This year has been terrible for me. I hadn't had luck with people although ironically I am a people person. So I picked 10 things for 2010... get it... 10 resolutions = 2010!

1. Carefully pick the people I want in my life. I do not need people causing me grief and stress. We only live once!

2. Get my licensee. I have been saying I will get that damn thing for 2 years. I need to get my booty moving with that.

3. Continue doing well in school. I finally got my act together this year and now I am pulling the A's and B's I should have gotten all the long I was in college.

4. See my daddy more often. I haven't seen my dad in awhile so I should do that. Also keep in touch with my dad's side of the family which includes my brothers, sister in laws, and nieces, nephew, and now great-niece!

5. Permanently cut of that person I am in the process of cutting off. She is no good for me. I still love her, but she needs help seriously.

6. Take an Irish Step Dance class. I love that type of dance!

7. Get my butt Ireland. I love that country, and I am doing my thesis on Irish Nationalism. It would be cool to visit to get the real feel of the country for my paper.

8. Be more selective in who I place my trust in. There are seriously some people who do not deserve my trust therefore they aren't getting it!!

9. Try get a steady job. Its pretty hard, but if I get a small part timer that would be awesome

10. Fix my room! I have the attic now so I am going to make it a purple penthouse!

I hope I can get these all done. I think even getting one done is an accomplishment because we all know we are human. We say we are going to do things, but you know life gets in the way and it never happens.

SO GOODBYE 2009 AND HELLO 2010!!! I WILL BE 21 THIS YEAR WHOOO HOOOOO!!!!