New Years Resolutions: Group Blog

Well 2009 is coming to an end, and I am very happy for that. This year has been terrible for me. I hadn't had luck with people although ironically I am a people person. So I picked 10 things for 2010... get it... 10 resolutions = 2010!

1. Carefully pick the people I want in my life. I do not need people causing me grief and stress. We only live once!

2. Get my licensee. I have been saying I will get that damn thing for 2 years. I need to get my booty moving with that.

3. Continue doing well in school. I finally got my act together this year and now I am pulling the A's and B's I should have gotten all the long I was in college.

4. See my daddy more often. I haven't seen my dad in awhile so I should do that. Also keep in touch with my dad's side of the family which includes my brothers, sister in laws, and nieces, nephew, and now great-niece!

5. Permanently cut of that person I am in the process of cutting off. She is no good for me. I still love her, but she needs help seriously.

6. Take an Irish Step Dance class. I love that type of dance!

7. Get my butt Ireland. I love that country, and I am doing my thesis on Irish Nationalism. It would be cool to visit to get the real feel of the country for my paper.

8. Be more selective in who I place my trust in. There are seriously some people who do not deserve my trust therefore they aren't getting it!!

9. Try get a steady job. Its pretty hard, but if I get a small part timer that would be awesome

10. Fix my room! I have the attic now so I am going to make it a purple penthouse!

I hope I can get these all done. I think even getting one done is an accomplishment because we all know we are human. We say we are going to do things, but you know life gets in the way and it never happens.

SO GOODBYE 2009 AND HELLO 2010!!! I WILL BE 21 THIS YEAR WHOOO HOOOOO!!!!

The love that has never left me... in over 5 years

My best guy friend and I have been friends for now five years. We met through myspace because I thought he attended a youth conference in the summer of 2004. I was looking for people who attended the conference when he popped up. I thought he did, and added him. We started talking from then. He was 15 too and also was a rising sophomore. Thing is he didn't go. Unlike my school, who took everyone who wanted go which was only like 15 of us, his school did not take everyone who was part of the community service youth group (Lasallian Youth- Faith, Service, & Community! Our slogan!) So we started talking and he haven't stopped since. For the next two years we talked all the time. Sometimes everyday, but mostly on weekends when we were home from school. Between junior and senior years we sorta lost contact. I was always wrapped up in a boyfriend during high school, and I guess that took up my time. We always wanted to meet up, but since we were so young our parents wouldn't let us leave the house to hang out. The winter of our senior year had a girlfriend. That is when we started to talk again. He was in love and he was happy. I was happy for him. I had a boyfriend at the time, but that ended during the holidays. Fast forward to our freshman year of college. Our second semester was the first time we met each other. We met each other and they was an attraction there. You felt the tension as we met each other face to face and ate together. That night led to us hooking up, and a hardship for our friendship. He told his girlfriend at the time what had happened, and I had to deal for a year of her hating me, not wanting him to talk to me, or ever seeing me again. We still remained friends, and he continued to date her while i found myself other guys. We had a special love for each other, but we just kept it under wraps just so other problems wouldn't arise. Last year around this time I wasn't even friends with him really. We went on a date last year because his girlfriend at the time said he could. Well that turned into a huge fight which turned into me loosing him. I was all choked up about it, but I learned to deal. He broke up with that girlfriend in the beginning of this year. She left him saying she didn't want him anymore. One day while I was at school practicing a little before his birthday in February I sent him an IM saying hello. He told me what happened, and we patched up our friendship. I started dating my ex and he started dating another girl ( who now is his ex). At first he would always complain about she does this and she does that. I remember his other best friend and I telling him and asking him why he was with her. This summer we hung out a few times, and this fall I even met his girlfriend. She was pretty nice, but you can see at times she was immature. She is fresh out of high school.

How does this translate into today- here in now?

He recently broke up with that girlfriend. So of course we have been talking. We haven't stopped talking since we picked back up in February. For the first time I told him how much I loved him. He told me not too long ago that last year he was in love with me as well as he his other girlfriend. We both realized that we love each other still. We both are so special to each other, and place each other in high regards. They were many a time I wanted to cut him off because he would be such an asshole, but when it all comes down to it he is the only guy that hasn't left me. He made me realize that I have loved him for at least three years. My love for him did become an issue, but after I saw nothing was going to happen I just suppressed it, and dated my ex. He always would go I am not your boyfriend, and I would tell him I DONT WANT YOU TO BE! Now that we have the perfect opportunity we have hit that crossroad. Should we or should we not? I am willing to give it a shot, but he is afraid of ruining our friendship. We have such a great connection, and we are more alike than different. I am little taller than him, and I am black, but hey its just dating. Well he is still my bestie and that is awesome, but I have always wondered... what if we do date? Would he be the love of my life?

The story of the mishap professor

As a semester is coming to a close I thought I would look back at this memorable semester. Trust me this semester was memorable. This semester I had to take the class Adolescent Psychology to fulfill my secondary education requirement. I remember looking at the class description as I registered last semester and saying I know this why the hell I have to take this class. Well anyways fast forward to September and its time for me to take this class. So I went to class with my friends and my boyfriend at the time to go to this class. We saw that the professor we were supposed to have was taken off our schedule and we had this new unheard of professor. Well okay we all thought let us meet this man or lady. Well after realizing there was a classroom change we finally made it to the right classroom which was filled with familiar smiling faces, but no professor. We all thought well it is a new professor and probably got lost on the campus (mind you my campus is very small we only have about 600 students.) We gave the benefit of the doubt and waited a few minutes. 5 minutes turned into 10 and that turned into 15. The rule of the college is that students are to wait 15 for a regular professor and 20 for a professor who is a doctor. Well we did not know if the professor was a doctor or not we quickly made an attendance list and sent it to the registrar and left. We all thought well I guess we won't meet this mysterious new professor until that Tuesday. Boy were we wrong. This professor didn't show again that Tuesday. We started to get upset and complained to the registrar. We also went to the dean of students to complain and she promised this would be all resolved. That Thursday sure enough our professor showed up... late of course. We found out that it was a she. Judging from her last name I thought she would have been Polish looking (you know blonde hair, blue eyes, snow white skin with pink undertones), but she was nothing of the sort. She looked mixed beyond belief. So I figured it was her marriage name or something. She was a little taller than me (I am 5'5 1/2 so I guess 5'7) had frizzy brown curly hair, green colored eyes, fake eye lashes. She looked like she just threw an outfit together and she looked so unorganized. We all looked at each other and thought "Oh boy what a semester we are in for." She introduced herself and we found out she was a doctor and a practicing psychologist. She apologized for missing the first two classes, and proceeded to teach the class and it seemed like a disaster. Our syllabuses looked like it was slapped together, and I remember taking out a syllabus from another professor and it looked NOTHING like it. It had no breakdown, no detailed plans, no anything. We all had the same agitated look on our faces thinking on how long a semester it was going to be. As the semester went on we found out more about her. She was apparently a mutt. She had the entire UN in her blood, Venezuela, Austria, Irish, and yes indeed Poland, among others. She had came from a what seems a well to do family. Her father helped introduce the first ATM to America in the 1970's. She was in a top ballet company, and she also was an alternate for the US Olympic Gymnastics Team. Apparently she as a few siblings and she loved her father. She never talked about her mother. She always talked about the patients that she has treated or have come across. She told us that she was nearly raped by a good friend, she was almost mugged (she has a scar from it- well we don't know if that that incident or self inflicted) At some points of the class we knew more about her than the material of the class. As the semester rolled on she always came in sorta put together, but never fully. Then this one day she came in and looked really nice. She matched from head to toe. She had straighten her frizzy curls. She actually looked nice. I never saw her like that ever again. We would ask questions and she always answered them, but her answered turned into tangents of course. She told us during the semester that she was depressed, and it was like everything she did was not ever right, but she still tried. Then on the final day of class ( I was not present I had to attend a funeral) she poured her heart out. Apparently while she was writing her dissertation her dad was dying from cancer, her little niece was diagnosed with cancer, her brother was threatening to commit suicide, and the love her life for 10 years committed suicide. When I heard that I thought to myself well was she still standing? That is what I call strength. Well on Thursday was our final for that class. I had my little study group, the same group of friends I had on the first day of class, minus someone and added someone, and we walked into class and she was not there. We thought okay maybe she thinks the test starts at 1:40. Nope she didn't arrive so I went to complain. By the time that whole hoopla ended and she arrived at 2:00. She did not have our exams ready and had to leave the room to get them. I was so upset, but yet I still gave her a decent evaluation. The other night she said she would have our grades ready by Sunday night. It is now Monday night and I am grade less still. My professor is a very nice person to talk to. I feel like I can tell her anything. She is very smart, and she knows what she is talking about, BUT she is a terrible teacher. Apparently she teaches at another college and she has been teaching for 6 years. Oh boy. Well I will keep in contact with her because I would ask her questions every now and again, but wow what a semester I tell you and that is only ONE class!

Another Letter from the Heart

Finals week is finally here. I was studying for my American Foreign Policy class when my ex decided to text me about a question that is on my final. This one text led to a whole conversation. I went from feeling quite okay to depressed within minutes. I am doing all I can to fight the urge to cry. I was hungry. I promised myself that I would eat as soon as I finished a question I promised a friend I would do. My appetite disappeared. It felt like 3 months of sadness just came flooding to me. Three months of regretting going crazy on him. He asked me out of curiosity of what I would have gotten for his birthday. I told him exactly what I would have done: Rock Band Beatles edition for the xbox, the cake I said I wouldn't have baked, and tons of hugs and kisses. He kept on talking how he doesn't want to be single anymore and how he wants a nice girl that wouldn't go crazy on him. I am so much calmer now. I feel like a child on ritialin. I have been pretty much chill since my body got used to the pill. I am on a higher dosage and my pms is close to gone. I have tried to move on. I have tried dating, but nothing ever feels right. My heart is still clung to him. So many people are just like forget it- it is no use of trying to get back with him. Others say I should try. If you want him you should get him. I was used to be so sure of what I wanted to do, but now I am confused. I keep telling people that I am just going to end up a cat lady. Men are so overrated I would go onto to say. People who know me know deep down I am just sad still three months later. I know I sound pretty pathetic- a Sandra Dee of some sorts. He was a hopeless romantic and hopelessly devoted. I do not know why I would not let go. Many say its because I refuse to. I am going to write him a letter and give it to him during our psychology final. Its the only way for me to get some dignity back in my life. For three months I have been depressed, and I feel like it is getting worse. Being love struck isn't as nice as Disney made it to be.