Patching things up? or Just letting them rock?

I started to write this blog as this:

Yes this situation is now at rock bottom. There has been no communication between the girls, who are close to each other, and her. We all have tried our best to communicate with her and, no response. One of my girls sent a THREE PAGE LETTER

Things has happened within the past few days that has made me not continue one with blog in that tone. I wrote on her wall on fb concerning chorus since I am president this year and she was the last president. I didn't think she was going to answer, but she did. We started out having a little convo of some sorts. The convo ended with "text me tomorrow. " I explained I don't have her number anymore. I remembered it though and sent her a text. She answered again. I was in so much shock I sent back one saying "Is this the right number because I got an answer." We texted back and forth for a lil. I told her that I can forgive her, but I can never forget. That I don't know if I can ever be close to her again. I really don't. Its gonna take some time for me to heal, and be alright. I have started on the process already. I think telling her I forgive her started me on that path. Well I'll try build back a friendship. She said she said has been inconsistant her whole life. I guess its up to me to take it as it is right, but I think there is so much I can take. I plan to talk to her again. Maybe face to face. I think I will get more answers because is forced to say it. Say it to my face. That is all I want.

"By the way you are a fake"

Anise was a good student. She went to classes daily. She never missed papers, she never missed tests, and always got A's on anything she touched or looked at. Now a junior in college she is excited about almost finishing and becoming a school counselor. Everything came easy to Anise besides school. She got her driver license in one try. She always had the guys. She always had a group of friends. Basically one looking from the outside Anise had a good life. As her junior began, Anise met a transfer student in her Philosophy class. She had to take philosophy to fill out her humanities requirement. The transfer student didn't have it as easy. She (transfer student) I had to fight for everything in life, but eventually everything turned out for the best. On the day they met Anise had sat in the front the closest seat to the door. The transfer student came running in thinking she was late and sat right behind Anise. Anise turned to her and just looked and smile. "Running like Forrest Gump huh?" The student barely catching her breath shook her head and said "Yeah I thought I was late." Anise then replied "Ah fat chance in hell this prof is always late. He always has to smoke before he comes in." "Btw my name is Anise what is yours?" "Savannah," the student replied. "Yep I was named after the plains in Africa. My dad thought it would have paid hommage to our ancestors." After this day these two girls became really close friends, and made sure they had classes together. Senior year rolls around. Anise began changing as a person due to the death of her grandmother. Anise was very close to her grandmother. Loosing her caused her heart to shatter and become cold. She began treating people different. Ignoring phone calls and messages. Ditching people. Stopped going to classes. Savannah noticed the change and tried to help her friend through the pain and grief she was suffering from. Savannah was there for everything and did everything for Anise as if she was her own blood. These changes started to manifest in worse behaviors such as reckless driving, reckless sex, reckless dating. Savannah and Anise weren't friends, but knew this was definitely NOT her. Anise was the responsible one of the two. Savannah made sure she stayed with Anise anyways despite the change of behavior. Savannah was getting fed up of her crap. She started to cut Anise off because she did not want to associate with someone as Anise had turned into. After several unanswered calls and messages from Savannah, Anise marched over to Savannah's house and demanded to talk to her. Savannah was reluctant to answer the door at first cause she saw Anise's car parked outside through her window. Eventually she let Anise in and they chatted, but for very briefly.
Anise " Umm how come you don't call me no more? I miss you."
Savannah " I always did call. You would never answer so I deleted your number. I only keep space in my phone for people are worth calling."
Anise "What do you mean worth calling?"
Savannah "Exactly what I said. I didn't stutter."
Anise "We used to be so close! Why aren't we like that anymore?"
Savannah "You changed way too much way too rapidly. I feel like you are fake out. This person I am talking to right now isn't Anise. This isn't the girl that loved life. The girl who would roll in the dirt like she was hippie."
Anise "I'm fake?.... I'm fake?
With tears swelled up in her eyes she angrily spewed out
"YOU'RE THE FAKE ONE!!! IF YOU WERE MY TRUE FRIEND YOU WOULD HAVE STAYED BY ME EVEN IF I CHANGED!!!"
Anise quickly turned around and slammed the door, jumped in her car, and drove fast down the block. That was the last Savannah ever saw or heard from Anise.

Was Savannah right for doing what she did? So who is really the fake one? Anise? or Savannah?

10 Days

1o days till I see him... nope Seven Days by Sting will not work lol... I'll be counting down the days. I miss him already. I hear a plane heading out. Maybe it's him. I hope he makes it to Ireland okay.<3

The Photo Entries

This is the first of I hope many of my photo entries. It is best if you start from the bottom and work your way up.

Last but not least.. Clouds... 2007
My Staten Island Babies Seth Dom and Peter
The Unknown girls, Me Nessa, and Steph
My little cousins are simply too cute.. Happy Birthday Ariel
My boy cousins... all grown up
One of my fav photos of Christmas 2007 my cousins Imani, Elisa, and Ariel
My Aunt Annie and her dog Max. I luv this pic of them. This one I didn't take, but still gets added
A picture I really like. This may get printed and framed besides the circumstances.
Chrissy what she does best.. Steals my camera and takes a photo of herself... I bet she will be happy she made my photo entry lol
I like this picc my crazy but sweet friend Leslie
A fav past time of mine... Me being vain in a mirror and a camera
A nature shot.. Snowww 2008
You can't stop the beat... Dancing from the age of 6
My chorus girls... 2008
Her and I before things fell apart.. Thank You literature for that title
My first musical.. Godspell.. 11.07
One thing in common.. the birth month of MAY... Charlie, Chrissy, Me and Erin
The boy who makes my heart jump... the boyfriend Robbie
Me at age 6 graduating kindergarten. 1st grade here I come!
Me and the other bestie Tony at Sea Bright Beach
The best friend since the Loughlin Days.. Stephanie
My godsister. Yep she is part of my portfolio :) Well the one I am trying to make

Around The same date last year.. 6.16.08 Funny how a year changes everything

Self Portrait June 16, 2009

Back to Square One.. Oh Boy

I am so now convinced I need therapy. How the hell I was doing so awesome, and feeling high as a kite then all of a sudden I am back to being sad and wanting to cry at any minute. I swear I am bipolar. This has taught me that I am way to clingy. Like seriously wtf? What have I ever done to deserve it. As like one of my friends said its like a bad break up. A bad break up indeed, and it wasnt even with my bf! I know there are some situations I could have handled much better, but I was pissed what was I to do. I was not thinking straight. Whatevs I am not perfect so I shouldn't beat myself up for things I have done. I think I need a puppy cause puppies never break your heart. Its like now I have constant reminders. The music we sung to... The 1000 pics I have... they facebooks stuff.. It never goes away. It would take me weeks to erase all of these memories. I am still comtemplating if I should buy a birthday gift considering she NEVER bought me one. I don't think I should cause it would be casted one side cause she has no time for any of her friends. Her man is her life now. The girl who said " A man doesn't define me!" has definitely gone back on her word. It crushes me that I am the reason this ALL happened. I live with the guilt whenever I think about it. If I hadn't done what I have done then who knows what would have happened. I probably would have still had her as bestie. Yes I still have my two besties Steph and Tony who have been awesome and we all are going through different situations which contains this word named hurt. Hurt is a such a word. It just defines the pain your soul and mind goes through every now again. A person can hurt for a day, a week, a month, a year. It comes it different forms, but they all suck. It sucks through. She is hurting cause the guy is being a moron and he is hurting cause he still misses his ex which he believes was his no. 1 girl. They both said to me that you should fuk it and leave well alone, but there is something that keeps me where I am. I wish I knew. It just suxx that I did this. Well she is also to blame, but I blame myself everyday. If I can say a few words it would be I am ever so sorry.. please forgive me.. i miss you way too much.. and probably just end up balling...

Good Songgg

Barely Breathing by Duncan Shiek
I know what you�re doing,
I see it all to clear
I only taste the saline when I kiss away your tears
You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you are heavier by far
I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born
There�s not much to examine, there�s nothing left to hide
You really can�t be serious if you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, what�s it all about?
I used to be so certain and I can�t figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
There�s nothing left to reason and only you to blame Will it ever change?


�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I�m thinking it over anyway...


I�ve come to find
I may never know
Your changing mind
Is it friend or foe?

I rise above
Or sink below
With every time
You come and go
Please don�t come and go

�Cause I am barely breathing
And I can�t find the air
I don�t know who I�m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don�t suppose it�s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I�m thinking it over anyway thing by Duncan Shiek